Their time and our time, our lives and their lives, our world and their world, these are widely used terms that often constitute a major obstacle in our efforts to raise our children.
Were they created for our time or for a time of their own? Do we want them to live our lives or their own? Is there a difference between our world and theirs? Many questions haunt parents while attempting to raise their children, answers of which may vary between individuals based on their way of thinking in addition to their backgrounds.
Each one of us possesses different motives and reasoning for adopting a particular form of upbringing for our children, the problem does not lay in our choices in this regard, but rather in the association we draw between our children's upbringing and what we were deprived of in early years of our lives.We lay much emphasis on ensuring that we provide our children with everything we were deprived of, not taking into account the fact that their time presents different challenges then ours.
A person who had to deal with financial challenges during his upbringing may find himself in a race to provide his children with large amounts of money and materialistic objects, sometimes to extents that are deemed unreasonable, disregarding negative impacts of such conduct on the children. Another who perhaps experienced a troubled life would be focused on providing unbounded love and affection to his children, thereby creating people who are unequipped to handle the smallest of problems.
A person who was depraved from playing as a child may furnish his children with an overload of toys and entertainment subsequently creating children that can no longer sense the value of money or valuables around them, let alone appreciating them. Another would attempt to compensate for not being able to continue his education or not being able to join a specific field may insist on living his dream through his child by compelling him to join what was once his dream.
Thus, some attempt to escape their shortages by completing them through their children. It has been seen that some children express their desires only to be shunted by their parents; when asked they would offer a simple justification "I have been longing to join this field for as long as I can remember or I always wanted to be a doctor but I never realized that dream, now I want my child to be a doctor"
I wonder whether such parents are working towards helping their children realize their dreams or are making efforts towards bridging the holes they perceive within themselves, were our children created for their own time or for ours?
Let us look back in time and examine the difference between our time and theirs. We lived a simple life, in an age that naturally came with less challenges, free from modern technology with all its negative effects. Let us allow them to live their own, with all the challenges and difficulties that come with it. Further, let us fulfill our responsibility in implanting within them; the skills and the values they will need to lead a happy life in the future and help them develop a personality that is confident and responsible.
We cannot compensate for the shortages we suffered from, because what we lost in our childhood, whether materialistic such as means of entertainment, money or of fundamental value such as affection cannot be compensated through our children, unless it is stemmed out of a way of life that we have conferred ourselves to and not to compensate for the shortages we had; as this can lead to over pampering a child.
We are entrusted with our children; it is our obligation to understand their needs taking no further notice of our own childhood. It is our responsibility to prepare them for life. It is our duty to arm them with the values and the skills they may require to lead beautiful lives in harmony and unison. It is our job to enable them to distinguish between good and evil, even if we were no longer there to watch over them.
We should raise them to face their time not ours, as they were created for a time other than ours.
