In the previous episodes we discussed the meaning of bullying, attempted to identify children most vulnerable to bullying, and outlined what can be done to help him. This episode will discuss children engaged in bullying and hurting their peers.
Who is a bully?
There are signs through which bullies can be identified. However, it is unsound to judge a child solely based on such signs. It should be kept in mind that wrongly labeling a child "bully" and acting accordingly will inevitably affect him adversely. This scenario is similar to wrongly diagnosing an illness and prescribing unfitting medications, thus actually causing one. A bully generally.
- Likes to draw attention.
- Tends to offer excuses for his wrong doings.
- Is easily provoked.
- Is disrespectful and sarcastic towards younger children.
- Does not have a consistent pattern with children, he might be friendly to a child, sarcastic and mean to another or simple ignores yet another one.
- Likes to control others.
- Is inveigling towards those who have authority over him such as caretakers or teachers to avoid criticism.
- Has many demands from others and feels that it is his right to have them fulfilled.
How can we know that a child is bullying his peers?
A child may not have the appearance of a bully; some may confuse a bully with a child of a strong personality, while in fact he bully's his peers. To arrive at an understanding of the matter, it is important to look deeper into the nature of his relationships with other children. Further, parents can ask the school about his relationships with his colleagues, and also note the way he interacts with friends and family members. The following aspects should be observed:
- The child is violent with others, particularly weaker or younger children.
- The child is not affected by or does not care for the feelings of others. For example: If another child trips and falls and is hurt, he does not care nor does he offer assistance.
- The child uses foul language that implies superiority or contains insults.
- The child has a selfish pattern and has a tendency to violate the rights of other children. If there have been complaints about the child hurting other children or having wielded them, parents should consider this as an alarming situation that requires immediate attention.
What causes a child to become a bully?
Bullying is an acquired behavior, one that children learn from the environment they live in, whether at home, in school or other. There are many factors that lead a child to bully his peers, including:
- The child is a victim of bullying himself. In this case the child tends to copy the behavior he was subjected to. For example, if the child is a victim of bullying in school he may seek to bully a weaker child at home or at in another environment.
- The child is a victim of neglect, emotional or physical abuse. In this case the child suffers beating or verbal abuse at home and at his young age , his mind registers it as the way to interact with others , in particular those younger or weaker than him.
- The child witnesses domestic violence. For example he sees his mother subjected to violence, whether physical or emotional, and then responds to the demands of the father. The child adopts this pattern as a model to achieve what he wants from other children.
- The child is being indirectly encouraged to hurt other children. In this case the child feels special after defeating another child or making him cry, because of comments like you are strong for doing so or other similar remarks. In other cases the child may consider a parents smile for swearing at a child as a form of approval, this encourages him to exercise bullying and he may no longer see any harm in repeating it.
What kinds of environments stimulate bullies?
Certain environments motivate some children to bully their peers, such as:
- Harsh and violent upbringing, whether it includes beatings, other forms of physical abuse or hurtful and degrading language. Such an environment stimulates children to apply the same methods learned when interacting with other children. Such children may choose to play with younger children to feel stronger and in control.
- Family bonds and relationships have the greatest impact in stimulating bullying within children. Families that hold dry and unloving relationships among themselves and others often motivate their children to become bullies. A child who does not find anyone to care for his own feelings at home, whether in times of joy or sadness, or feels neglected at home, in school or other places; establishes a similar pattern with others, and therefore can easily harm other people.
- A family that does not hold their child accountable for hurting others or tolerates such a behavior produces a child that can easily victimize other.
- An environment that does not encourage or allow the child to express what is on his mind or that's suppress his ideas, leaving him scared to talk or discuss the matters he is facing, particularly in areas were differing opinions may be present between the child and the caretaker may leave the child vulnerable to this type of behavior.
The next episode will address the effects of bullying on the bully and ways to help the child stop bullying.
