All parents deeply love their children except for odd cases. However, when children or adolescents in particular are asked if they believe that their parents love them, you may hear shocking and unexpected answers , as a significantly large percentage of them are doubtful and unsure. The percentage of those who are certain of their parent's love may be equal to those who are certain that their parents do not love them, or even hate them.
There is a missing link between the deep and genuine love held by parents towards their children and the methods they opt for to communicate this powerful emotion. Many reasons and multiple factors are associated with that. Among the most important is employing a child's need for love. Some parents, while holding good intent use their love for their children as a pressure instrument through which they encourage and motivate their children to achieve specific goals or avoid certain behaviors. For example; in order to encourage academic excellence, a parent will make a statement such as: I will love you more if you score high in your exams. To urge a child to be tidy parents may suggest: clean your room so I would love you. On the other hand, to teach a child to avoid bad words, parents may say: I will not love you if you speak these words again. To help a child build a solid personality a parent may tell a child at a moment of fragileness: I do not like those who cry for trivial reasons.
Such statements and practices may communicate different meanings to children and adolescents than what was intended by them. They distort the main pillars and the foundation of a balanced personality that is far from contradictions. Children need love since their early days just like their need for milk and to fulfill that God has given parents an enormous amount of love for their children, which could at time reach degrees where parents happily sacrifice their comfort, their time and their possessions to make their children happy. The love of parents plays an important role in building the child's and the adolescent's personality and his emotional development if it was communicated to the child as pure as it is.
A child needs to know that his parents love him, even when their time on this earth has finished, and that their love cannot be replaced by the love of all those around him, as his parents love is distinct from any other emotion, and that it saturates and strengthens sensitive parts in his psychological, emotional and mental composition.
Children need to know that their parents love them for who they are and not for what they do or what they are capable of doing. This is the true essence of the feelings of most parents regardless of their child' s behavior , they only want the best for their children at all times and when they see them hurt or in pain for any reason , they will be hurt and in pain as much as their children and may be more .
It is important for a child to be able to differentiate between the love of his parents and their assessment of his behavior. It is also very important to help the child or the adolescent be aware of the fact that his parents love him in any case but they will be more content and happy with him if the actions he took were in commensuration with the values adopted by the family alternatively, they will not be happy and content or at times they may even be angry if the actions he took violated the values adopted by the family.
Being able to differentiate between the love of parents and their satisfaction gives children reassurance they need to feel peace and experience psychological stability. It places them in a secure position where they do not need to beg for love from others to fill the void that can form as a result of lack of emotions. This effectively contributes towards protecting them from exploitation and abuse of all kinds, since a significant percentage of those who have been lured , abused or exploited came from families that failed to communicate their love to them, resulting in the creation of a shaky image of themselves that consequently compromises their self-esteem rendering them an easy prey for abuse.
Love exists within parents in its finest and most sophisticated form; all that is required from them is to communicate that love to their children in a way understood by them rather than the way they believe as parents should be communicated. Only then will parents feel the grace of parenthood, which will reflect on their children's personalities, their sense of security and on their psychological and emotional balance.
